4 February 2016, 11:23 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09
Because nobody needs Neko Atsume 2.0.
As we all know, Taylor Swift has been hard up for cash lately. People think sold-out stadiums, platinum records and corporate sponsorships will get you lots of moolah but the truth is this: Taylor Swift is broke af. She’s basically living on the minimum wage like the rest of us.
But what she does have, which 99.999% don’t, is a globally recognisable brand (Cats! High Waisted Shorts! Squad Goals!) So, she’s doing what any broke b**** would do in her position – she’s making a game!
It had us thinking, what would a Taylor Swift game even look like? White, probably. But what would you actually do? Stroke cats and go on nice holidays with friends? Maybe it could be a singing game? A time machine back to 1989? Idk. Nothing about Taylor Swift really screams ‘AMAZING GAME’ at us.
Don’t get us wrong, we love Tay Tay and her music, we’re just not excited by a game based around her. But we’ve thought of some other ideas that we think could fly as games.
A hashtag game, similar to Cards Against Humanity, in which you pick the most horrendously embarrassing hashtags for all of your favourite celebrities. The most creative hashtags are awarded points by other uses. After a certain amount of points, Amber Rose will actually send your hashtags to the celebrity just for LOLz, thus creating more drama for us all to enjoy.
2) Killer Unicorns
This one is quite simple. The player is a homicidal unicorn running amok in the streets of LA. The more people you impale with your razor sharp horn, the most points you acquire. Archenemy Sparkle Pony is trying to stop your killing spread. War ensues. Special weapon: poisonous rainbow turds, used as grenades.
3) Adam Driver Dating
Like Tinder, only it’s a never ending series of pictures of Adam Driver which you can ‘like’ or ‘dislike’. If you get a match with a picture, an android pretending to be Adam sends you flirty messages. If the conversation goes well, the app will send you a highly photoshopped picture of Adam naked. If not, he turns into his Star Wars character and stabs you with his lightsaber *ahem*.
4) LET’S GET OUT OF THIS TOWN
A racing game, set to an endless playlist of Green Day and Paramore, in which you try to escape your hometown. Parents, police and teachers are all trying to stop you. Spoiler: you never get out of that town until you renounce pop-punk forever…just like real life.
Like any other fighting game, except you can only slap your opponents to death.